My wife told me that if ever she gets Alzheimers, she doesn’t want to be a burden on her family, and I should take her to one of those euthanasia clinics in Switzerland.

I told her it’s the 5th time today that she’s said that.

In every situation there is always a bright side…

hide your own easter eggs,
meet new people every day,
buy new tools for your workshop, shit it he buys another No5 plane I’ll kill the bastard
every night another bird in your bed.
you eat anything thats put in front of you…who the hell knew tripe tasted like old pussy

Speaking of death,

I was at a funeral the other day, and I asked the widow if I could say a word.

She said yes.

“Plethora,” I said.

“Thanks” she said, " that means a lot."

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